Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
