At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
