She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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