so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
