you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
