So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is Oprah even human
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
