You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
