Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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