she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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