My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
