I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
