we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
