I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
