Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
