i just had sex bonerless
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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