Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
