so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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