This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
