Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
