I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
