I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize