I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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