I got chris browned last night
They should really pass out barf bags in church
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
