hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
