I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize