Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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