sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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