I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
