just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
