Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
