Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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