he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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