peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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