i would punch a child for taco bell
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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