now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
