It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
