a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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