whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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