I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
