you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
