I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I fill condoms, not promises.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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