Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
