yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
