totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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