i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
