My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
