so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
