She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
