I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
