i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize