Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
