the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i will never coherently bang her
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
