I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
