remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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