I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
