i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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