I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
