Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
