I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
