im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
