I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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