Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
