I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
