did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize