I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
