So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
