Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
